I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize