yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
