I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
