I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
