Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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