it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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