Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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