if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
