i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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