if you like me you must not know who I am
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
