youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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