Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
