He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
