when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
