I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you will always have a special place in my vag
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
