No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
