had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
