I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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