apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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