he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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