somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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