god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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