I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
