we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
