Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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