Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
