What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
