So drunk its hurt
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
