ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
