I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
