Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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