He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
third nipple confirmed
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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