Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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