nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
