I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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