I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
