Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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