I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
