i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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