It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
