You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
