I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
