Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
