I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
