Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
