Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
