small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
