This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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