Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
