I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sext me about skeletons
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
