the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
